got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Houston, we have a blender
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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