Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
