Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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