So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
