If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
