remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
