Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
