Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
