You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
