watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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