About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They have beer where we have blood.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
