this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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