JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
