i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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