Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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