I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
