well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
