My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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