Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
