who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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