she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
