i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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