we're chasing vodka with high fives
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
