sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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