I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
