I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
