girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.