Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
