This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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