Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
