I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
