she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
