No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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