guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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