someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
