this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
