you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I met the friendliest cop last night
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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