I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
