Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
