Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
