Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
