On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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