Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
