I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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