So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
