I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
