well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
