Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
