He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
