I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
