im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
