I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
