no, he came in my armpit
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
