New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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