I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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