shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
