chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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