dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
