ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
