Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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