Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.