i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.