He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
