I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well you can't waste a boner
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
