just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
